Australian Religion

Australians are a very spiritual people deep down and they attend their temples on a weekly basis.

Their religion is based on nature and their temples are open to the sky and to the seasons which dictate the forms of their rituals. During the summer they worship a small insect called the Cricket. For the longer rites, which may last many days unless Engllish worshippers are present, the priesthood wear white and the rituals revolve around a red lozenge. For the shorter evening services a white lozenge is preferred and the priests are attired in garb of vibrant hues.

When the days become short and the weather cool the rituals become more fierce and the acolytes run from one end of the temple to the other for no apparent reason except that when you have run one way it is meet and right to run back the other way and knock each other down on the way and to leap wildly in the air. When asked, the priesthood explain merely, "It is a mystery. For when the Yump [high priest] makes a call which doth enrage the masses then must thou have faith. For it is written that in the fullness of time Carlton and Sydney Easts will win but that day is beyond the end of imagining. And that day will be the end of days."

Many adherents make sacrifice to the spirits of their religion by sitting in rows, in trance, for hours at a time in front of one of many hundreds of small metallic altars while constantly passing coin into robotic creatures which show their gratitude for these gifts by spinning their eyes wildly and sometimes making tinkling noises with their moths, which excites the worshippers. While performing this sacrifice these adherents also partake of special libations which bring them into an altered state, often causing them to stagger and fall to the ground in ecstasy, usually with the ritual holy words, "No worries, mate, I'm okay to drive. Pish off."

Most Australians also pretend to be members of (the only true) religion of peace, and of the love of God and of neighbour. Evangelists and missionaries have since antiquity propounded these ideals through the enthusiastic slaughter of many millions of unbelievers who have refused to accept into their hearts their merciful God and his message of love and peace.

Source: http://valuesaustralia.com/australian_religion.htm